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Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
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Perhaps the most persistent argument in defense of the wall that keeps us Palestinians imprisoned is that it prevents attacks on Israelis. But that contention could not be more ridiculous, because if the Zionists would simply dismantle the barrier and let us kill them, maybe we might stop killing them.
It follows a simple line of reasoning: Palestinian violence aimed at Israelis prompted the construction of a barrier more or less along the 1949 Israel-Jordan armistice line to keep out suicide bombers and other Palestinian heroes, which of course prompted an outcry from us and our supporters around the world about a “land grab” and further justification for Palestinian violence. It only makes sense that when someone tries to stop you from killing them, the sole adjustment you can make is to try harder, because they have no right to stop you. That is, if you’re Palestinian. So once the barrier is gone, our pretext for deadly violence is gone, which means we will be free to kill Jews.
The Zionist-controlled media will never present it that way, of course. They’re too busy trying to inject nuance into a story that is nothing less than Good vs. Evil. We Palestinians, on the side of Good, are allowed to engage in whatever behavior advances our cause, because Good. Sometimes you have to massacre a few million Jews to serve your cause. It’s that stupid wall that prevents us from exercising that God-given right. Once it is gone, of course, we will demonstrate our peace-loving nature, and answer the gesture with an appropriate display of carnage. In the interest of peace.
But our efforts to bring down the Apartheid Wall have yet to bear tangible fruit, and we need the assistance of the international community to remove the proximate cause of our murderous rage. Only a concerted global effort can apply the necessary pressure to the Zionists to get them to take down the barrier and restore our freedom of movement, which we will celebrate by sending our youngsters onto Israeli buses to detonate explosives packed with nails and shrapnel. What else could freedom of movement be for, if not engaging in the manifestation of one’s very identity?
So please, if you live in a democratic country, let your representatives know the importance of taking down Israel’s separation barrier, for the sake of peace and thousands of dead Jews. Remember, this is the ultimate battle of Good and Evil.