June 25, 2019

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J Street Warns Continued Existence Of Israel Will Cause Antisemitism (PreOccupied Territory)


Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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Jeremy Ben-AmiWashington, February 14 – The director of a lobbying group that bills itself as “pro-Israel, pro-peace” urged the Jewish State to consider dissolving itself to prevent outbreaks of anti-Jewish violence and rhetoric that are obviously sparked by Jewish sovereignty in the ancient Jewish homeland.

Jeremy Ben-Ami, Executive Director of J Street, told reporters and supporters of the organization today that Israel’s ongoing existence invites antisemitism,a phenomenon he described as “marginal” before Israeli statehood in 1948.

“Israel continuing to pursue policies, such as existing, that antagonize antisemites is just asking for trouble,” asserted Ben-Ami, whose clout in Washington has diminished significantly since the election of President Trump and of a Republican majority in both houses of Congress. “If there’s anything we Jews should have learned in our extended exile, it’s that keeping our heads down is a proven strategy for survival, at least some of the time.”

“Consider the origins of antisemitism,” he continued. “It wasn’t such a widespread phenomenon until ancient Jews decided to assert their sovereignty against Rome. I don’t have to tell you what happened as a result: the destruction of the Holy Temple, thousands of years of displacement, Christian persecution, and maybe even Muslim persecution, but we’re not going to discuss that at length because the Muslim don’t like when we suggest they have been anything but tolerant hosts, and they can get violent. Please don’t hurt me. I’m one of the good Jews who appreciates dhimmi status. Look, I even brought my fig leaf!”

Analysts consider the right-wing Israeli government’s likelihood of adopting Mr. Ben-Ami’s proposal low. “Netanyahu has never been one to do the wise thing and just lay low until antisemitic rages blow over,” observed political commentator Rashid Khalidi. “He represents a radical fringe of Jews who have the temerity to suggest that Jews are a nation deserving of sovereignty and control of their own security. As you can see, that sentiment is hardly shared by the vast majority of people in the world, let alone in the immediate regional neighborhood where Jews have asserted themselves in such a rude and disrespectful manner.”

“It’s only a matter of time till someone decides they’ve had enough of this Zionist uppitiness,” he added. “You wait and see, I guarantee some upset Muslim will do something rash and uncontrollable, and it will all be Netanyahu’s fault. Mark my words. You can’t just upend 1400 years of Islamic tradition with such notions.”

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