July 12, 2020

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Hamas Fires Rockets Into Mediterranean To Train For When Jews Already Driven Into Sea (Preoccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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rocket storageGaza City, May 1 – Military planners of the Islamist movement that governs this territory conducted a missile test today that involved shooting a salvo of the weapons into the waters off the coast, in preparation for the eventual defeat of the Zionist Entity and the consequent forcing of all its Jews into those waters.

Hamas fired the rockets in coordination with several other factions with a presence in Gaza, both as a warning to Israel and as part of a strategic effort to maintain readiness if and when the hoped-for victory over the Jews occurs and the faithful can finally achieve the vision that Palestinian leaders of the 1940’s first promulgated: driving the Jews into the sea. Once that occurs, a spokesman for the movement explained, its fighters must continue to fight the Jews driven into the sea, by whatever means, and the group’s continued development of missile technology aims partly toward that stage of the conflict.

“We must be prepared for victory,” stated Fawzi Barhoum. “What good is defeating the Zionist usurpers if we are unready to exploit that defeat? To that end we have continued to hone our rocket capabilities along two fronts: the current stage of the war, targeting the soldiers and settlements where the rapist scum Jews ravage our native soil, and the next stage, when we have driven them all into the Mediterranean and must target them there.”

Analysts note that Hamas’s attention to a future without Israel marks an important shift in the movement’s orientation, which until now has focused solely on ridding the world of the Zionist scourge, and not in any serious way on what to do after achieving that goal. “It’s significant that there’s now been some practical thought given to the post-Israel situation,” remarked Phil Latio of the Brookings Institution. “Most revolutionary movements, which is what Hamas and its parent, the Muslim Brotherhood, are, need an enemy, the better to unify the masses and remove potential focus from the leadership’s failings or crimes. That usually results in poor governance once the revolution succeeds, since the enemy has been vanquished, so now what? As with Iran, for example, Qaddafi’s Libya, or Chavez’s Venezuela, the leadership feels compelled to continue insisting the enemy remains. It’s encouraging that Hamas appears to be looking beyond victory at what actual policy looks like in the absence of their lifelong enemy. It’s a breath of fresh air.”

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